The Struggle I am Fighting

Maybe all of you guys struggle with this too, but here I am shouting it out of my head.

You guys read my previous blog post know that my husband and I have been struggling to get pregnant for 5 years now. I mean 3 insemination and 2 round of IVF and a lot of money, not just doctor visits. We really do what we could to have baby.

Sharing the issues out to my close friends, I think is the worst thing I have done, but I can't keep it to myself, knowing that many of my friends care for me. 

I become so sensitive of this issue now, I mean some people just like to give me advises that I don't need. And now my husband advise me not to tell people about what we are doing.

One of my colleague rise her voice at me saying that I am also tense at the time of IVF when I told her that my husband always tense. I mean how does she know about what I felt because she is not me.

One of my old friend ask to me switch doctor because her friends get boy babies at KL hospital. I mean, her friends are fertile for God sake. I mean people with infertility issue are different from fertile people who want particular gender.

And worst of all, my mother accused me that I visit doctor too late. My own mother judging me. I mean we waited 1 year and because my period is like a school bell, it never miss a beat. I never expect that my egg has quality issue. I don't have QC team checking on my egg.

That is why now I am only sharing with my fellow survivors. They have been making things a little brighter these days. 

My advise to people who has friend in my position, just listen to your friends. Don't try to give them advises, because you don't know what hell they been through. Just be supportive towards them. And if you feel that they look gloomy, sad, or emotional just try to cheer them up.

And my advise to myself and other survivor who feel the same way, try to chill out. entertain youselves. And be greatful that you can travel to the world without worrying about a baby you left behind at home. Maybe we are destined to do something else with our lives. 

Because for me babies come in different shape and size.

I mean this medium size dog with shaggy fur, who has mischievous look on his face